3 thoughts on “The Dark Side of Patriarchy”

  1. There is a lot of focus on how women are to submit to their husbands regardless of how their husbands treat them and their children. What recourse does a wife have in the instance that her husband is truly (by Biblical standards) being abusive towards her and/or their children? What can the other men of the church do to protect these women and children? Is there a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed when it comes to interceding on the behalf of these women and children who are suffering true abuse? In my own church community, many of the older members are of the belief that what goes on behind closed doors is of no ones business but those behind them. Is this even a Biblical point of view when it comes to a man mistreating his family? How can men in the church step up to protect those weaker without overstepping legitimate boundaries?

  2. To further clarify my question, it is understood that the husband has the ultimate authority in the sense that no one has the right to come in and, generally speaking, try to usurp or dictate how he rules his family. But how does this work when there is significant evidence that he is truly abusing his authority and mistreating his wife and children?

    My question is based on an actual similar situation in my own church. It was suspected that a wife, and possibly the children, were being abused due to their demeanor (being fearful, extremely timid, etc), the wife’s attire, and bruises found on her body. The wife made a point to wear clothing to cover up her bruises, wearing long sleeves even during the hotter months, but she had accidentally shown those bruises on her arms/wrists during a church service. Another woman had caught a glimpse of the bruises all over her body as well while she was in the bathroom assisting the wife with cleaning up/changing clothes (the wife was heavily pregnant and had accidentally urinated on herself during church). The consensus of the majority of the men was that it was of no one’s business, and no one wanted to start any drama, so nothing was said to the husband. Unfortunately, the wife had a miscarriage shortly thereafter, and it has haunted me personally ever since, wondering if the suspected abuse escalated and her husband had caused the miscarriage. Of course, I don’t know for sure as it’s just speculation. But I do wonder. The family stopped attending the church as well, and from my understanding, they moved out of town. For future reference, though, if this were to (God forbid) ever happen again, how is a church to handle such a situation? How are men to handle this in general, even outside of church? With the husband having such authority and not wanting to usurp that authority, how do other men address it? Or do they?

    Thank you in advance for your reply. God bless.

    1. No,

      Well we must remember that God calls those who have masters to endure unjust and cruel treatment from them according to 1 Peter 2:18-21 and wives are to regard their husbands as their masters according to 1 Peter 3:6. So that is from the wife’s perspective. The church however, has the authority to address known sin in congregation – whether that is someone abusing alcohol or someone abusing their wife and children. I think it should be handled with care and first handled privately first as Matthew 18:15–20 prescribes and then bring witnesses and if they won’t repent bring him before the church. And even outside the church, I think this is where fathers and brothers of the abused women need to step in and address the situation with the husband. I think law enforcement though, should be reserved for only the most severe cases of neglect or things like broken bones or other life threatening behavior. Not simply because someone has bruise on their arm.

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