9 thoughts on “Dear BGR – You Are Wrong About Your View of Forced Sex In Marriage”

  1. In regards to forced sex, what about forced anal? Can a man go too far when it comes to pushing for anal sex? Is a wife in sin if she refuses anal due to pain and possible bleeding?

    2. I apologize for this comment being out here so long – I thought I had answered it but apparently my answer never got saved or completed.

      I have written extensively on the topic of anal sex in this article:
      https://biblicalsexology.com/the-biblical-case-against-anal-sex/

      My position can be summarized as follows (but I would highly recommend you read that article for more detail as to how I came to my position):
      I believe anal sex to be an unnatural use of the a woman’s body, and God only allows the natural use of a woman’s body (Romans 1:27). However, I know many good Christian men who disagree with me on this and do practice anal sex with their wives from time to time and believe it is allowable and a natural use of her body. I believe that a wife must submit to her husband’s understanding and application of the Bible in these gray areas. Therefore, if a woman’s husband believes anal sex qualifies as a natural use of her body, then she must submit to him.

      And there is a larger issue – God does not call for a wife to resist anything her husband does to her that she feels is wrong. That concept is found nowhere in the Bible. In fact the Bible says the very opposite about master/servant relationships, of which marriage is a type of master/servant relationalship (but much more obviously) – remember God calls the husband the master of his wife in 1 Peter 3:6. This is what the Bible says when someone’s master treats them in a way that believe is unfair or wrong whether it is actually wrong or not:

      “8 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.
      19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.
      20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.”
      1 Peter 2:18-20 (KJV)

      1. I do agree a wife is in no place to decide what is right and wrong based solely on her feelings regarding what her husband does. However, my question has more to do with the pain associated with the act, not the morality of the act itself. If the pain is too intense for the wife, and she requests to not participate in it, and her husband forces anal sex on her anyway, is he in sin? For forcing that particular act on her?

        1. No,

          It is not a sin for a husband to cause his wife pain as byproduct of having sex, whether it be anal or vaginal. There are many women who actually have various conditions that cause vaginal sex to painful and other women find anal sex to be only slightly painful and still others who find it enjoyable.

          Really this comes down to a larger question which I have addressed here in my two podcasts on this site. The one is “The Dark Side of Patriarchy” where I address the sin of sadism that some patriarchal husbands are drawn into. And the other for women is “A Wife’s Guide to Receiving Spankings and Rough Sex”. In both of these podcasts I differentiate between pain being caused for the purpose of discipline or as byproduct of sexual relations and pain being inflicted for the sole purpose of causing arousal and pleasure in the man. The first two instances of a man causing his wife pain are not sinful, the last instance of him causing pain for the sake of causing pain is sadism and sin.

          So again – no I do not believe a husband forcing sex on his wife is sinful, whether vaginal or even anal, even if some pain is caused in the process.

          1. So if he causes damage to her during forced anal sex, is that to be viewed as an expected byproduct of the act? The anus is not built like the vagina and can’t physically handle nearly as much without causing damage. I would think this is common knowledge, and not some feminist nonsense, in the sense that if a man goes ahead with forcing anal on his wife, he’s doing so knowing that it will cause excessive/unnecessary pain/damage in a way that forced vaginal sex would not. It seems this is teetering closely with forcing sex for the purpose of causing pain/harm to his wife.

            Then again, maybe I’m thinking too much into this.

          2. No,

            Since I have been writing my articles on the Biblical view of sex I have had many women write me, women that have been married for 30 or even 40 years. And some of them even to pastors. And they have told me that while it was difficult to adjust to in the beginning of their marriage, they have become used to anal sex over many decades as normal part of their sex life(not exclusive of course). And all of them have said they have not suffered any long lasting issues from it.

            I do believe that men can have anal sex with their wives without sadistic motives.

  2. Oh I agree that most men do not have sadistic motives when it comes to anal, and I do realize that by and large, women do not suffer any permanent issues related to it, partly because the act is not forced on them, but they submit to it. They actually may enjoy the act.

    But again, my question is regarding FORCED anal sex. The vagina is made to endure quite a bit, unlike the anus and rectum. So when it comes to forced vaginal sex, or even anal sex that both parties mutually desire, there likely wouldn’t be any major physical trauma.

    However, the anus is simply not meant to endure such roughness, primarily if the act is forced. Anal requires a lot more preparation and requires foreplay to prevent actual injury to the woman. Considering these facts, would the man not be in sin for foregoing actual preparation/foreplay and forcing his penis into his wife’s rectum with no time to prepare? It would seem the act of literally forcing a wife into anal sex would be sadistic because pain and injury is not merely a possible byproduct of forced anal – it’s a guarantee. Yes, the woman is required to submit, no doubt. I’m not arguing that point. But the man knowing the risks and still literally forcing her? It would seem this act in itself is sadistic because he simply doesn’t care the injury he would cause to her. He’s making his pleasure a priority over his wife’s true safety. That is not love.

    Disciplining a wife with forced vaginal sex is one thing. But forcing anal sex which will most assuredly lead to true physical injury is something totally different, I believe.

    Truly I hope I’m making sense.

    I’m not saying anal is wrong or right, as that’s up to each couple to decide. I’m just trying to understand where FORCED anal sex falls, and if it is even permissible given the fact that it can injure the woman.

    1. No,

      I get what you are asking. I get that you believe a wife must submit to anal sex even if she disagrees with it being an acceptable sexual practice in marriage. I get that you think it is OK for couples to decide this if they want to do this. And I totally get you are specifically speaking to the question of forced anal sex by a husband toward his wife.

      And my answer is the same. I do not believe it is sin.

      Pain will be a byproduct of anal whether it is forced or consensual – even with lubricant there will be a degree of pain. Most women report this. Now some say after many years of anal that pain is almost gone. My point is whether it causes a low degree of pain or a higher degree because the wife resists is not the point. My point is it is NOT a sin for a man to cause his wife pain, even a higher level of pain, as long as the intent is not sadistic (causing pain for the sake of causing pain to give pleasure by the pain itself).

      It appears to me based on your continued questioning of me on this that you don’t like my answer. I feel we have reached the point where we going around in a circle. You are trying to convince me of your position.
      But this is my answer. It sounds like we may just have to agree to disagree on this topic.

      Larry

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