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This episode goes beyond foundational teaching and addresses practice—how biblical submission, obedience, reverence, correction, and marital intimacy are lived out in marriage.
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Are there any spiritual benefits for rough sex? For the wives.. Sometimes she might feel very submissive and understand her subordination and the complete control her husband is supposed to have. Does that help her grow in holiness? Also isn’t there a possibility of her to get resentful?
Also another question is can rough sex be on the table in the beginning of a marriage? Or should this be only sometime later?
Pearl,
Yes there is a spiritual benefit to a wife being on the receiving end of rough sex from her husband. It is humbling to her. And while both men and women need to walk humbly before God, women need an extra amount of humility if they are to be the best submissive wives they can be. You may say “What if she is already submissive?” and that may be true, at least outwardly speaking. But all women struggle with pride toward their husbands from time to time even if outwardly they never show to them. And yes it is possible that some women will grow resentful about rough sex – in fact many of the wives of the husbands I have mentored have initially grown resentful. Resentfulness is simply the sin nature’s reaction. Part of a woman properly receiving rough sex from her husband is for her to capture those thoughts and feelings of resentment toward her husband and make those captive to Christ.
And absolutely rough sex can be on the table in the beginning of the marriage. I have heard of men who had rough sex with their wives on their wedding night. For some it was simply to establish their dominance, for others it was because the woman acted disrespect or refused to perform a certain sexual act.
And I completely realize that this goes against our romantic views of sex – that it should always be gentle, mutual and affectionate and never forceful. But that does not match a Biblical worldview of what sex is about.
In his book, “Fidelity”, Doug Wilson wrote the following statement about what the Biblical view of sex is and I 100% agree with him in this statement:
Just some food for thought.
On my wedding day my dad, before I got dressed for my wedding, gave me the strap because he says that every wife needs to understand that they are leaving her father’s authority and my husband will be my master that I am the property of my husband under God’s law. And then on my wedding night my husband used the same strap on me before we were intimate. It was way worse than my dad’s spanking. I had trouble sitting down my whole honeymoon and my behind was black and blue from both spankings, I know as a believing Christian I am the property of my husband, and he can punish me when he wants. My husband is very fair and only spanks me when I mess up now.
Why on your wedding night? Did you do something wrong or not complying to sexual act or was it to just establish dominance.
And for what kind of reasons do you think physical discipline can be used?
“Part of being a good Christian woman is learning to set your feelings aside.”
Felt that like a ton of bricks. Thank you for this message, found at just the right time.
My husband has always disciplined me and we have always had rough sex. It makes me feel so female, so submissive. I really like it. I don’t love getting spanked, don’t get me wrong, but I do love how it ends up making me feel inside. We love a strong, loving marriage of 30 years.